No shame in doing the things you love..

I attended another wedding today and helped out with sword-bearing. This caused me to miss training the 2nd time this week! However, I made up by going back to NUS and doing the 6 sets of transition training on my own. I feel so good now.. =]

I renewed my mindset on living life today. I always believed that the things you do should not be subjected to how you want people to perceive you. You should not be shaped by what people say or think about you; you are simply yourself. Love you for you. =]

I brought running shorts for my transition training today, but while I was poo-ing in the toilet prior to my workout I decided to desert the shorts and run with just my swimming trunks. It did occur to me what people might think about me or say about me, but what the heck? I did not want to waste time in transition, that is what transition training is for right? To improve the time taken to get out from the pool to the run, surely wearing my shorts will add another 5secs to my transition time! =]

Anyways, I completed my training and was really very happy! It was insane to do this on my own, but I felt that I've once again renewed my passion for the sport. In recent weeks, I've felt a little dreadful going for swim training, but today I felt like a fish in the water. Cools! I hope this feeling last..Ok, back to the books.

Nothing but a full gazelle..

The gazelle grazed on the large grassland, totally oblivious to its predator lurking behind bushes, behind large rocks, blending in with the terrain. The wolf laid low and observed; patience was the name of the game. It will strike only when the belly of the gazelle is full and taut because it was only then that it could catch up with its swift prey. The wolf waited, no matter how long it took, it will only strike when the timing was right.

Today, I felt like that gazelle. It has been 2 weeks since I've last felt accomplished after completing the intervals on the track. Today, I waited with anticipation for the 10 x 1km interval training. I wanted to complete the training with 4mins on each lap. I knew I could do it, but something went wrong again.

1630hrs: I had my late late lunch of pork ribs noodles. It was a bad mistake as I learned later during my 6th lap. I almost regurgitated my meal onto the track! Until then, my timing has been on target, going below 4mins on the first 2 laps and hitting 4mins on the next 4. I decided to rest a set to let my stomach settle.

The 7th and 8th set saw my condition worsen. A wolf, when running away from hunters will stop to regurgitate its meal before speeding off again. Pride and survival. That was what set them apart. They will rather run to the ground, coughing up blood and subsequently die than get captured and skinned for their pelts by the hunters. Pride and survival.

I rested again and decided to complete my last 2 laps. However, after my 9th lap with a timing of 4mins 03secs, I felt the food coming up again. This was when I decided to call it a day. It was not how I envisioned my interval training to be like. I've always looked forward to run trainings because it gave me an avenue to run away from everything in this world, even if it is for just 2hrs; I was free...

Like how night is to the wolf, running has always held a special place in my heart. I know what my target is, and I will be patient, lying in the bushes, striking and peaking at the right moment. I will be a smart gazelle, speeding off into the grassland.

n/b: Inspired from Jiang Rong's Wolf Totem

The hunt for the most satisfying meal..

It was a dark and gloomy morning; the skies threatened to release its tears upon the land. The wolf crawled out of its den and met its comrade. The two were going on a hunt, one that preceded the 'organised' hunt agreed upon by the rest of the pack. The two had greater plans..

Tengger* was good to them that day and held back the rain, letting only a little drizzle fall sometime during the middle of the hunt. The two wolves started out running shoulder to shoulder, neither one wanted to fall behind at such an early stage of the journey. Pride. That was what distinguished a wolf from a dog. It was not the first time that these two hunted together; the chemistry between them was impeccable. It seemed that each knew what the other was thinking, how the other was feeling and how to react accordingly to ensure the survival of both of them.

On the way, they met two more wolves, presumably also out hunting. They looked older, bigger and much more experienced. The four wolves, with nothing said, seamlessly integrated to form a pack even though they were from different territories. This made the travelling much easier, with the alpha male leading the charge in front against the 'white-hair' blizzard*.

However, after travelling further, the differences between the young and old wolves became more significant. The fresh, light-footed younger wolves had much more stamina than the older wolves whose speed began to decrease bit by bit. The pride in the two young wolves quickly overcame them, and they broke off from the pack, running into the wind on their own. They probably felt humiliated the instant the pair of older wolves led the way, but decided to follow behind, seeing if there was anything the older, more experienced wolves did that they could pick up and learn.

The rest of the journey was simply magic, with each wolf taking the lead when the other felt tired. This drafting played on like an orchestra, each movement deliberate and precise.

Along the way, the two wolves spotted many dead animals, probably killed the night before. These included 2 rats, a snake and a bird. The two did not feed on them, considering them an insult; they wanted to eat food hunted themselves. They finally did, after 2hrs from setting off, and boy did they enjoy their kill. It tasted so sweet, and the icing on the cake was the fact that they beat the 'organised' hunt to the freshest kill of the day.

*Heaven
*very strong winds

n/b: Inspired from Jiang Rong's Wolf Totem

It's time to go through hell..

Nicolas and I chatted away while making our way to the pool side for our swim training today.

Me: Dude, it's time to die.
Nic: Hahahas!!
Me: It's time to go through hell.
Nic: (even louder) Hahahs...

The sets today were different, starting with 500m warm-up incorporating the 'headache-inducing' breathing drills that made sure you earned your right to breathe. After weeks of doing this drill, I did not get the usual headache after warm-up today. =] Next, we did 30 laps worth of sprint and recover kicking and swimming. 800m gradual build up per 50m pulling with paddles were up next after we completed the 1.5km. Lastly, we ended off with 200m sprint, 100m recover; 100m sprint, 100m recover x3!

All in all, I felt really good in the water today. The usual strengthless feeling in my arms were not there until the final 50m of the last 100m sprint. I really gave every bit of my energy in the water today and I'm really happy about it! Yes! I did what I said I should do. =]

It was an incredible feeling when training is over. I always feel like a stronger person emerging from the pool after each training. I want this feeling to last.

It should have been so easy..

I think I finally understand my biggest flaw..I strive too much to kill two birds with one stone. This morning, as usual I would have bike rides with Jiajie and gang, but I gave that up to play a match for my medicine soccer team. Mistake number 1: This match is not a priority that I've identified in my New Year's Resolution. However, as the Medicine-Law games is coming up, I thought that it will good to play a few more games with the team to forge better chemistry on the pitch. Therefore, in order to 'cover' this mistake, I decided to do my bike training in the evening, on my own.

Upon reaching the soccer field in NUS, I realised that the kick off will be at 10am instead of 9.30am, the time that was told to me. In the minutes that led up to the game, thoughts jostled for dominance in my mind. To play or not to play, that is the question..Cell group was at 10.45am at Tampines, which means that I have to leave at 10.15am to make it on time. Mistake number 2: I decided to play a few minutes of the game then leave for cell group. The final result: I did not remain on the pitch long enough to contribute as much as I would want to, I reached cell group late, and I ended up fulfilling nothing.

This was worst than doing either things fully. At least by playing the full match or reaching cell group early, I would have at least fulfilled a certain thing. What I did was really retarded. I listed down the three priorities on the 31st of December 2008 to make my life easier in determining the things to do or not to do, instead here I was today struggling to make a decision that was long already made back then.

Today, I learnt a lesson. Linking it to my walk with God, I could see clear parallels. There were so many times when I knew I should not do certain things, but I still went ahead, thinking that I knew best. I could almost certainly say that this morning while I was making up my mind at the stands near the field, I could see the illustration of a little demon on my left shoulder and a little angel on my right shoulder, both whispering their opinions into my ears. I feel shitty.

I hope that this experience serves me well in future situations.

Another step forward

Today, I had my time-trial at Sentosa with the NUS Aquathlon team. It was not the usual 1.5km swim and 10km run. This time, it was half the distance - 800m swim and 5km run. Mentally, I was not really prepared for the time-trial (as usual), but deep down inside I knew that God will somehow pull me through this ordeal like He always does.

My problem is the swim. Swimming in the sea as compared to the pool is a whole new ball game. Visibility is low, coupled with navigation and the vast space, it spells trouble for me all the time. However, thanks to the many trainings that we had in Sentosa, I slowly got used to swimming in the open waters.

I am now feeling more comfortable in the sea as compared to the past. No longer does my heart beat radically fast when my body touches the cold sea water; my strokes are also more relaxed. Today, I did a 35mins 58secs time-trial. I was disappointed with my swim time, and felt the need to talk to someone about it. However, I kept it inside, only expressing the tip of the iceberg to boss Aldrich.

I felt that no matter what advice anyone gives, ultimately it boils down to whether or not I do it. Whether or not I want it that bad to give my heart and soul and energy into this. I looked back at all my swim trainings and remembered the many times when I had no strength left in both my arms to propel my body through the water, when my head ached due to the lack of oxygen going to my brain and when my legs burn with lactic acid during the kick sets - I could do better, maybe push a little bit more, summoning every bit of strength that is still in me instead of just giving up and taking a break. There is a thin line between over-pushing and going over your limit. The latter is what I have to focus on.

I am going to try and do better, work harder in the pool during trainings. I have to go through hell, only then will I know that I will be the one standing in the end.

Now, it's time to study. =]

Slowly finding myself once again..

Today, I was touched at cell group by 2 people.. A newcomer cried when it was her turn to share, saying that it was only until today that she understood that life was so much more than just living for herself. She was touched by the many testimonies shared by us.

A friend also shared that upon looking back at his life prior to accepting Christ, isolated events which exposed him to Christianity were likened to scattered pearls, lacking just a string/thread to form a beautiful necklace. He stated that when he received Jesus Christ into his life, the missing string/thread has been found.

I sat there listening to all these unfold before me and was hugely encouraged in my spiritual walk. I will take this leap of faith with Him, and He will grab hold of me should I slip.

These days, I have been returning to my old past time - reading. This luxurious hobby took a backseat when I started Medical school in August 2008, but now I've decided to plan my time well to indulge myself =]

I've read 3 books in about 10 days! Hahas..sounds quite killer right? The first book, 'Into the Wild', left me thinking about many things in life and prompted me to stop dreaming and start taking action on certain things. The second book, 'The Wednesday Letters', reminded me of the awesome mercy God has for us, resulting in us showing the same kind of mercy to others. It reminded me that forgiveness sets you free. Lastly, the third book, 'The Last Lecture', opened up my mind to the way I should change certain aspects of my life and value the time that is bestowed to me daily. A quote from this book by Randy Pausch that popped out to me was this:

'The brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.'

I guess I can now start from where I stopped the previous time. I hope all is not too late..

Lastly, I'm currently reading a book entitled 'Wolf Totem', and it has proven to be a very worthy read even though I'm barely past the 5th chapter! =] Ok, that's all for this post. I have to turn in..

$400! =]

I did my IPPT today and got Gold! =] Praise the Lord! As usual, I had major doubts over my standing broad jump. It was the only obstacle standing in my quest for Gold. After doing a couple of tuck jumps, I proceeded to my last static station for assessment. Till then, I had perfect scores for my shuttle run, chin-up and sit-ups. I prayed and just jumped with all my might. I hit 234cm! It was the minimum for Gold, and I was contented. Thank You Lord!

I know deep down inside that I could not have done this without Him. =]

2009..a new hope..

I love to celebrate new years, not in the party sense though. I feel that a new year gives you hope, a chance to turn things around. A new year marks a new beginning for things; opportunity to get your act together, to change (if any) for the better. I want to improve myself this year.

Last night, I made my new year resolutions after thinking and reflecting on 2008. I used to have a long list of things I want to achieve by year end, but this time, I have only 3 goals to achieve. This time, it is going to be different. I must and will succeed. I look forward to this new year with new hopes and dreams.