What am I doing here?

Reality hit me once I was up in the sky on my way to Johannesburg. Up until then, I had been so preoccupied with settling the various tasks for my new home that I hardly had any time to prepare for my trip. The kids were much more attuned to my leaving though. In the weeks leading up to my flight, Ansel has been deliberate in his attempts to spend more time with me. Noah, much more subtle in his approach, has also gone of his comfort zone to express his want for quality time. Earlier tonight, he hung around the living room past his bedtime so that he can be with me. When Olivia noticed it, she nudged me to speak with him. "I don't want papa to leave, I want to cry already." Hearing those words from my firstborn almost made me want to cry too, I just hugged and kissed him, mentioning that it will only be 2-months before we meet again in London.

Then, in mid-flight, a sense of fear gripped me. Why am I travelling to such a dangerous place for my trauma fellowship? I was almost paralysed with fear until sleep gripped me with its hold and I thought no longer. When I arrived, the list of things to do helped distract me: getting a SIM card, collecting my rental car, driving to my accommodation, settling in, video-calling home to speak with the boys, then driving to Chris Hani Baragwanath Academic Hospital to recce the place before starting work the next day, ending with lunch and grocery shopping before heading back to crash into an 11-hour sleep.

 

I guess the answer to my question will only be truly and fully revealed at the end of my sojourn here in Johannesburg. All I know is that God is with me, He will protect and guide me. Amen.

Noah's prayer for me in church

Sunday's recce to CHBAH